For the past while I have completely been on edge. Pretty much anything can push me over the edge and I am in total state of annoyance and frustration. I feel so angry, annoyed, fed-up and irritated on a daily basis. I am absolutely miserable and a complete dud to be around. I feel like this is my new normal. I have been unmedicated for a few months now. I’ve had some hiccups with my coverage for my antidepressants and I have been suffering ever since.
I never thought I would be one to take meds or even believe in them, but they actually work for me. I didn’t think they would work when I was put on them but thankfully to my surprise, they worked wonders! I had more energy, and motivation. I had tolerance and I was able to stay calm and level-headed. I have been trying really hard to manage on my own without them but this constant state of irritability and frustration has left me feeling defeated.
I feel like giving up. Most days I don’t see the point in even leaving bed. Just existing seems overwhelming to me. I have been forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do and to just keep busy and in turn I really have no idea if it’s helping or making it worse. I feel slightly better when living in a tidier and clean environment but it’s hard to tackle this on my own and to keep up with all that needs to be done. I feel so very alone through this all. I lack the support system and friends that I once had. I am so painfully alone and overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do anymore. I struggle to even do things I enjoy. Which is normal for people suffering with depression- but it’s worsened drastically. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel lower than I’m used to.
It is hard to advance in your recovery against mental health when you feel like you’re alone and you don’t have a support system in place. For most of my mental health journey, I haven’t had support or anyone by my side. Back then I was quite emotionless and numb. Nowadays I am much more emotional. I’m sure it’s better for me to have emotions but I would prefer for them to be stable and consistent. I’m not used to having a short fuse and I’m struggling with coping and staying calm. So far the only thing I have found that helps remotely is to turn on upbeat music and listen to it. I might hate it for the first 20 minutes but eventually I will singalong or bob to whatever ridiculous song is on.
It is a hard battle alone and to anyone who also feels alone- message me anytime if you need to vent! What do you when you’re miserable and over-whelmed?