For someone who has an anxiety disorder, that is much easier said than done. I have generalized anxiety disorder. With that I struggle with everyday life and everyday things, especially the small stuff.
Last week I went to a drive thru and with much thought and consideration- I decided what I was going to get beforehand. After I ordered and got to the pay window I was told they were out of what I had ordered. In that moment I had to make a split decision. That is something I am not comfortable with at all. I felt put on the spot and I made a decision I wasn’t ultimately happy with.
For most people something like this wouldn’t have been a big deal at all, but for me it is a huge deal. I felt panicked, sad, disappointed and angry.
I was angry that I made a split decision I was unhappy with, and I was angry that I cannot just take small things that are thrown at me and move on. I tend to feel horribly guilty in these moments I can not control because I feel as though I’m overreacting. Unfortunately, with today’s stigma around anxiety and mental health, it’s common to be misrepresented as dramatic. On the surface I was still fairly calm but on the inside- I was not.
Recently, it has come to my attention that I ‘overplan’ things. While that may not seem like a horrible thing, in the long run it is doing more harm than good. I like to plan out where I’m going and what I’m getting before I leave the house. I do not like to “wing” things. The feeling of uncertainty is very scary to me. While there are so many things that are out of my control, I often find myself avoiding situations that I can not predict. My psychiatrist has advised that I start planning to do things that are unplanned. Such as, walking down a street and trying a new restaurant without looking at their menu first, or even go grocery shopping without a list.
This might seem kind of silly for some, but it is a daunting task for me. This drive thru situation was one of those moments that I was not prepared for. Which is exactly what I need but also exactly what I am not prepared to deal with.
I am slowly learning how to take things as they come and it’s a slow and hard process for me. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with the “seemingly easy” stuff. Please know that if you can relate to this- you are not alone and your feelings are valid.
I’d like to challenge others with anxiety to do the same and plan times to not plan at all. You can use these experiences to learn about you and your anxiety. Beforehand you can write down everything that could go wrong, and all your fears and worries and after the experience write what happens and compare the two. Even if the experience is unpleasant, you survived. Avoidance might seem like an easy solution for anxious people but overall you are making your anxiety worse. We need to be exposed to all situations- good and bad.