I harmed myself today. I almost made it two months without self harming. Why did I do it? I feel like a failure, a let down, I’m constantly overwhelmed, and I’m tired of feeling the regular hurt and pain I feel daily. I like the feel of this pain. It’s different, it’s something I can control. I can’t control the pain I feel through depression. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I don’t know how to cope. Today was one of those days. I’m ashamed now but at the time it was a relief. It was a break from the war in my mind. I always feel so weak when I cave into the temptations of self harm. It’s an easy fix. A temporary band-aid to whatever else is going on in my mind. I feel so terribly weak when I harm but I need to remind myself that I’m still here, it could have been worse. Trying new ways to cope with wanting to self harm is tough. There’s a lot of trial and error. Some things will work, others won’t. What kind of things do others do to avoid self harming? Snapping elastic bands on my wrist keeps me from doing worst, most of the time.
What do you do?