I definitely understand this. To me there is a huge difference between a happy moment and actually being happy. I’m a little over hearing people say, “you were happy when we did this or when this happened.” I am capable of feeling happiness in some moments yes, I am just incapable of actually being happy. It is something I am still working on but everyone seems to think that depression isn’t as bad as it is sometimes. Depression isn’t always something that can be seen. It’s hard to be taken seriously when you are considered to be “high-functioning.” It has taken me many years to get to this point where I don’t cry every time I enter a room, or where I can actually leave the house most days or even bed for that matter. High functioning depression and anxiety are such a real thing that no one talks about. I talk a lot about the days where I can’t get out of bed, eat or even talk, but I don’t always talk about the days I can go outside and get shit done while I still feel like there is a weight attached to me pulling me down and chipping away at me with every breathe I take.
No matter where you are in your journey, I am here for you. There are so many resources to help and so many people who care about you. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that, trust me-I know, but we really are our worst enemy. Please reach out to me anytime you need a listening ear. ❤️