Today has been one of my worst days in awhile… I genuinely am unhappy to be alive. I can’t find solace in anything. I am difficult to deal with and I know it but I can’t just switch it off. I am overwhelmed, panicked and uncomfortable 24/7. Today I just woke up hating everything, including myself. It’s been about 4 months since I last harmed. Not fulfilling that horrible nagging temptation has made me completely unbearable to be around. I am lost and I am hopeless. I know most days are not like this one thankfully but it’s these days where I struggle to stay alive. Ending it seems like an easy solution and it is so very tempting. I just think and dwell on my failed attempts. I hate all that I am today and I wish I could just be different and not feel the way I do. Feeling and acting the way I do makes me feel so god damn guilty. I know I can’t exactly help it but once I’m calmed down I definitely recognize my behaviour and I’m ashamed. I’m often made to feel bad for how I feel/act.
I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m not alone in this but I feel like I am. All anyone wants when they are full of emotions or going through a rough time is to feel like what they are going through is recognized and real. We all seek validation. Even when we have bad days, it’s okay. It’s okay to have bad days and have emotions. Not all days will be this bad.
Please hang in there. Anyone can message me whenever they need to. We’re in this together. ❤️