I typically try to generalize my posts and not go too far into personal details in hopes more people can relate, but I feel the need to vent and share more personalized struggles.

Last year I made the most difficult decision to leave my job and focus on my mental health. My job was my entire life for years and without it I felt completely lost but I wasn’t okay anymore. I couldn’t in good conscience work anymore while I couldn’t fully keep focus or energy levels up to excel and do my best. Once I stopped working I applied for disability. I took 3 months to fill out all the forms. Until I was approved for funding 8 months later, I did small jobs when I was able to.

During this past year I had my car taken and crashed, fought with the insurance company for months, been screwed over by taxes, had significant weight gain, and had friendships fade. I have never felt more alone and helpless in my entire life. After years of suppression and denial, I finally took the leap to overcome my traumas and past abuse. Recently, part of my funding was put on hold until more paperwork is received but getting in contact with my worker has been very difficult. After I paid rent and one bill, I have been left with less than $20 for the month. I am quite used to financial troubles but my mentally instability has rendered me to be completely devastated and overwhelmed. I’ve been feeling as though I am not even worthy of living. I have a hard time caring about myself to even take my meds (which do help), leave my house, or even brush my hair most days.

I’ve been on waiting lists for groups for over a year now and I’m losing faith. I often feel as though people do not take me seriously because I can appear to be okay. I have been told I am dramatic whenever I do open up. It’s hard for me to be vulnerable because I am often met with judgement and rudeness. I act tough a lot of the time but I am actually quite sensitive. I feel highly misunderstood and unimportant most days. I have no idea what to do anymore. When you feel this hopeless you just want to give up completely. I struggle a lot with suicide ideation especially while I am trying to refrain from self-harm. I have worked extremely hard to get to where I am currently and it was really hard to get approved for a mental health leave. I want to make the best of it and remember how to be a person again. I want this pain to end. My heart honestly aches thinking that others might feel as horrible as I do. I’m trying to make the most out of the resources out there but it is a waiting game and I am running out of patience.

If anyone else is in the same boat as I am with this waiting game and is in need of more immediate support, please reach out to me. I know it’s hard not to feel like we are alone in this. I am in need of some extra support and love these days. Making these posts helps me a lot and I hope they help some others too.

This is a short but super helpful video to help caregivers and friends or family with how to deal with a loved ones mental illness. I think it’s important for everyone to know these things to help not only the people struggling, but ourselves.

Today has been such an amazing day. I had the honour of being nominated for the CMHA Champion of Mental Health award for my work with Talks With Tandra. Last night I attended the sponsor reception to meet all of the wonderful sponsors for this years event, and all the other amazing nominees. This morning I attended the Breakfast of Champions where they announced the winners of the awards.

Last night was such a great opportunity to network and make some amazing connections to help further my dreams and my goals that I have for my page. I have had bigger picture plans for quite awhile and with the posts I make now I often feel as though I’m not really doing anything at all. Today was such a humbling experience to be recognized for my contributions when I feel so insignificant in the fight against stigma surrounding mental health. It was also incredibly heartwarming to hear what others from established organizations had to say about the things I write about. It was such a privilege to be nominated and to be part of such an incredible event.

There really are no words to describe how grateful I am for what this week has brought to me so far. I often feel so minuscule and down on myself when it comes to my role in ending the stigma and advocating for mental health victims and today I felt like what I do is important and matters. All I want to do is reach as many people as I can about mental illnesses and have it be an open conversation and share support. I always want to do more to help others and this week has been so motivating for me to continue and to further my role in this never ending battle.

I want to thank anyone who has ever liked or commented on any of my posts, you are my motivation and I wouldn’t be here without all your support and love. I appreciate you all so very much.

Today is the start of CMHA Mental Health Week.

Mental health affects us all. This week let’s focus on all mental health-whether it be good or bad. We need to recognize and celebrate the role of good mental health and how it aids in living the life we want! Even for someone like me, who is still very much struggling, it’s important to celebrate the small wins. The small wins are a step in the right direction and help us get to where we want to be. Even if all you did today was get out of bed or brush your hair, it’s important to celebrate those times where your mental illness didn’t get the best of you.

Whether you are mentally ill or not, this week is about you. I’m proud of you for being where you are and doing what you do. This world needs you and you are so important!

Today has been one of my worst days in awhile… I genuinely am unhappy to be alive. I can’t find solace in anything. I am difficult to deal with and I know it but I can’t just switch it off. I am overwhelmed, panicked and uncomfortable 24/7. Today I just woke up hating everything, including myself. It’s been about 4 months since I last harmed. Not fulfilling that horrible nagging temptation has made me completely unbearable to be around. I am lost and I am hopeless. I know most days are not like this one thankfully but it’s these days where I struggle to stay alive. Ending it seems like an easy solution and it is so very tempting. I just think and dwell on my failed attempts. I hate all that I am today and I wish I could just be different and not feel the way I do. Feeling and acting the way I do makes me feel so god damn guilty. I know I can’t exactly help it but once I’m calmed down I definitely recognize my behaviour and I’m ashamed. I’m often made to feel bad for how I feel/act.

I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m not alone in this but I feel like I am. All anyone wants when they are full of emotions or going through a rough time is to feel like what they are going through is recognized and real. We all seek validation. Even when we have bad days, it’s okay. It’s okay to have bad days and have emotions. Not all days will be this bad.

Please hang in there. Anyone can message me whenever they need to. We’re in this together. ❤️

As someone who is still in the recovery process, I am always actively seeking new ways to cope. I struggle a lot with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed in public settings.

I’ve talked before about grounding. It’s a technique used to help calm anxiety and bring you back into the moment. For those that may not know what it is, grounding is when you use all your senses to ‘ground’ you. I typically look for 5 things I can see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I can smell, 2 things I can hear and 1 thing I can taste. There are many variations used for grounding- this is just my preference when I am without my kit. Sometimes we are faced with surroundings that it may be difficult to accomplish grounding in. To help combat those settings I made a grounding kit that I often carry with me. This is what I have so far; for sight I have pictures of my kitten, for touch I have a fidget cube, a squishy shark, and a bracelet from one of my brothers, for hearing I have headphones, for smell I have a candle and scented hand sanitizer, for taste I have sour candy, gum and dark chocolate.

I also have a card in there with numbers to call while I’m in crisis or in need of extra support. I do plan to add some more items and get a more practical holder. I have used this multiple times while I am out and starting to get overwhelmed and have found it to be quite helpful.

I think this is a great project for anyone who often feels panicked in unfamiliar settings! What other items can you use in a grounding kit?